The fear of holding a newborn
When I was very young, the idea of holding a newborn was petrifying. Unfounded, nightmarish doubts vaulted through my thoughts. That doesn't look comfortable! What if the baby cries? Can the baby tell that I am afraid of her? Can I break a baby? What if I *gasp* drop the baby? And I know some adults who still have these fears until they have children of their own.
Then, when my niece was born almost twelve years ago, my fears vanished. This precious newborn cargo entered my life and it all made sense. Armored with a fort of pillows, I cradled her body with the whole of me, even though the whole of her body weighed nothing at all. I became her protective shell and I stared in awe of the life that was made. This new little girl stared up at me with my sister's eyes and mouth, and her body was so tiny yet so big all at the same time.
This was when the fire was kindled for my passion with newborns.
Seven years later, I found love when I met Matt. Then we found marriage. Then it was time for--you guessed it--baby. We planned for our son. Yearned for him. Wished for him. And when I finally held my son in my arms for the very first time and gazed into his face, complete with my chubby chin and my husband's blue eyes, it was a whole NEW set of fears. What if he doesn't understand how much I love him? Can I make this world a good enough place for him to grow? Does he know that I could hold him forever and never want to let go? What if I ever have to stop holding him?
That's probably my favorite part about working with newborns. Just days old, I can witness that newness and wonder with parents over and over again on a regular basis. I can see the love written all over their faces. These babies are extensions of their parents' affections, and I am getting to be a fly on the wall as I help them freeze time in the form of pictures. Not to mention, I get to cuddle these sweet babies. That's probably on my favorites list too.
Thank you, Hauser family, for letting my cuddle baby Matthew last weekend. The love you have for your precious sons is so evident, and I know that you guys are spreading so much love while holding both of your boys and never letting go.
Learn more about my newborn sessions here.